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Week 12

WHY I WRITE ABOUT YOU

I write ceaselessly about you
Because that is the only way I know how
To keep you alive in my life,
Because that is the only way I know how
To keep you relevant in my life.

Because if not that,
Then what are you but just a void in my life?
An absence,
A nothingness,
An emptiness,
A lacuna,
Just air.

Writing about you is the only way I know how
To feel you near me,
It is the only way I know how
To feel your presence around me.
I write about you
So that I can be consumed by you.
In paper, with my words
And my bleeding heart as ink
When I write about you
You become truly alive.
Then you feel more real,
Then you feel more than a spectre.
Such is the beauty
Of mind’s trickery!
Decades after our demise,
Long after our bodies have
Turned into bones and dust,
You will live forever
In my legacy.

Please don’t make me let you go yet.
I promise I’ll let you go one day
But not today.
Let me feel you in the wind that touches my face,
Let me feel you in the sunlight,
Let me see you in the moon and the stars
On a full moon’s night,
Let me see you in the reflection
Of the sunset in the stream,
Let me feel you in the air that I breathe,
Let me hear you in the silence of the dawn.
Let me feel your presence
As the crown of the tree above my head,
Let me feel your absence
As the pain in my chest.

And write about it
And trust me,
The irony of not having you in my life
And feeling you everywhere
Is not lost on me.

You feel like grains of sand
Slipping from my fingers
Slipping away from me…
If I won’t write about you
I’m afraid I’ll forget you
And I’m not ready for that yet.
If I won’t write about you
And get you out of my mind
I’ll drown in my own thoughts.
If I won’t write about you
With all these words dying inside me
And no one to read them,
Now, won’t that be a tragedy?

I do not want to let you go yet
Please
Let me write you a few more poems.
I want to hold on to you a bit longer
For as long as I can,
Even though the string I’m holding you with
Is maiming me.

But I’ve already lost you once
When you met her before you could know me.
I don’t want to lose you again,
I want to hold on to you a little more
For as long as I can,
Please.
Your thoughts and this hurt
Is all I have left,
These drowning feelings
And the pit in my heart
Is all I have left.
I don’t want to let you go
Not yet
Not yet
Not yet
I’ll hurt a bit more
If it means you’ll stay in my life a little longer
I cannot let you go
Please
Not yet
Not yet
Not yet
I’m not ready
I’m not ready
I’m not –

– B.