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Week 16

WHAT I CANNOT SAY 🅴

I cannot say “I am in love with you” to you,
But I can write you poems and letters
And tell you about the stars, the moon,
Flowers, ferns, books, and afterlife.
You’ll tuck it deep inside your pocket-
Crumpled, crinkled, but safe,
Because you’ll read them
Too many times more than you’ll like.

I cannot say “you’re beautiful” to you,
But I can write poetry about you
Telling how your eyes shine when you smile
Like a million stars in a constellation;
Telling how your smiles makes your face soften
And how it melts my doomed heart.
How can I ever stop writing poetry about your eyes
When your iris is as deep as the ocean?

I cannot say “I want you to be mine” to you
Because we are both chained,
We can never be lovers
But I will always be your well-wisher.
I’ll pray for your happiness;
And I’ll send you flowers
Even though the pain of never having you
Will make my heart wilt and wither.

I cannot say “I adore you” to you
But dear Lord do I fucking adore you!
If your name was a prayer,
I’d be the devotee chanting it with the rosary.
I can spend a lifetime looking at you,
Loving you, worshipping you,
But you were never meant to be mine
So, I can only pray that you’ll be happy.

I cannot, will not say anything to you
Because loving you in silence is my power move.
We are unreachable, untouchable, unforgivable,
Like a forbidden fruit we can never have.
But in the future whenever you’ll see
Sunflowers, vintage botanical prints, scribbled letters,
Polaroids, or annotated book pages,
I hope they will remind you of me.

– B.